Often we feel compelled to help others in need, to the detriment of our own health and sense of well-being. We may find it difficult to say no, and ignore our own body when it is giving us signs of tiredness or overload. Some months ago having added the emotion ‘Overcare’ to the list of potential trapped emotions that my clients may be holding, it was most interesting to read a recent article from the Institute of Heartmath showing how important it is to show compassion to oneself.
HeartMath founder Doc Childre writes about the critical need for self-compassion – taking care of you when you are in need or hurting – and the importance of not engaging in overcare – trying to do too much to ease others’ pain and suffering.
“Much of the global population tends to feel a little shy about radiating love and compassion to themselves,” Childre explains. “It can seem selfish or self-centered, or we might feel we don’t deserve it. … Self-compassion and self-care maintenance are a first step in increasing the quality and effectiveness of our love and compassion for others.
“Two of the biggest energy drains on the planet are overcare and the sympathy we project. As the planetary shift continues, these types of energy drain will dissipate as we mature into a new era of intelligence. As we learn to balance our empathetic interactions through practice we can sense and feel compassion for the stresses of others, but we still can maintain our objectivity, emotion regulation and resilience.”
“Happiness, health and even longevity are benefits that have been reported in more than fifty investigations using a variety of methodologies on the effects of compassion towards others,” wrote the article’s author, Stony Brook Professor Stephen G. Post, Ph.D.
“The conclusion of this review is that when we help others, we help ourselves, with the caveat that we need balance in our lives and should not be overwhelmed,” said Post, head of Stony Brook’s Division of Medicine in Society and director of the Center for Medical Humanities, Compassionate Care and Bioethics.
Please do not feel guilty if you are too tired to help out when asked. Give yourself permission to say that you are not able to help at this moment. Offering help when you are able, is being authentic to your needs. Having healthy boundaries with your time is a gift to you and to the other.
I learnt this valuable lesson the hard way during my nursing career. My health suffered because I felt compelled to say yes to requests for my time and because of a lack of numbers of available staff on the unit I was working in. My body was signalling that I was tired and I chose to ignore it until I was given a huge wake-up call and had to have time off to recover from exhaustion. What was at the root of this lesson? To love and value me, my time and my health. That there was always someone there to help and it didn’t have to be me. My Overcare had it’s roots in a Past life and an inherited emotion and belief. Thankfully, I cleared it and now have healthy boundaries caring for myself with compassion and understanding.